Marriage: A Test Plot for Greatness

Matthew 19:1-9

May 23, 2012

 Last week in Matthew we learned that humility is the key to greatness in the Kingdom of God. The reason is sin is a big issue in the Kingdom. Humility is needed to deal with sin, sinners and those who have strayed.

 Let’s review those reasons:

· It takes a humble person to look out for interests of others to protect them from sin.

· It takes a humble person to guard against the temptations we’re particularly vulnerable to.

· It takes a humble person to have compassion on the sinner even when it’s costly.

· It takes a humble person to properly confront the person who has sinned against us.

· It takes a humble person to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive again and again.

Today, as Jesus answers questions about divorce, we’re going to see that humility and the ability to correctly deal with sin are keys to a lasting marriage. The same things that make for greatness in the Kingdom of God are the same things that make a marriage great. We’re also going to wade into the debate on divorce, but first some background.

God – not human society - designed marriage and launched it during Creation. From the beginning marriage united a man and woman to become one flesh. According to Jesus, God himself joins them together as one. It is totally God’s plan for permanent marriages and a stable environment for children.

But because people were often hard hearted, Moses allowed for divorce. He permitted a man to give a letter of divorce to his wife for something indecent, for a cause of immorality. [Read verse.]

In Jesus day, the rabbis divided on divorce. Rabbi Shammai[1] had a very strict interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1. He said a man could only divorce his wife for adultery or gross indecency. When Joseph decided to divorce Mary for what appeared to be infidelity, he was following Rabbi Shammai.

Rabbi Hillel[2] had a different interpretation. He said a man could divorce his wife for any cause even something as minor as a burnt lamb stew or too many wrinkles. Not a big surprise but many people went along with Rabbi Hillel and were divorced for flimsy reasons.  No fault divorces are the flip side. In the latter you can get a divorce for nothing and in the other you can get a divorce for any thing. 

Matthew 19:1-9. Page 1160.

  1 When Jesus finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went to the territory of Judea on the other side of the Jordan River. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 

3 Some Pharisees came to him and tried to trap him by asking, “Does our Law allow a man to divorce his wife for whatever reason he wishes?” [Better: for any cause.]

4 Jesus answered, “Haven’t you read the scripture that says that in the beginning the Creator made people male and female? 5 And God said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.’ 6 So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together.” 

7 The Pharisees asked him, “Why, then, did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away?” 

8 Jesus answered, “Moses gave you permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach. But it was not like that at the time of creation. 9 I tell you, then, that any man who divorces his wife for any cause other than her unfaithfulness, commits adultery if he marries some other woman.” 

In preparing this sermon, I relied on the work of David Instone-Brewer. I’ll have a couple of links to his work at greensteeple.com.[3]

The Pharisees asked Jesus if it was lawful to divorce for literally any reason no matter how trivial. Many of them were twisting what Moses has said in Deuteronomy to mean exactly that.  

Why did the Pharisees care what Jesus’ thought? They had already decided on their own slight of had with Deuteronomy 24:1 that allowed divorce for any cause. They would have had to condone Herod’s divorce and remarriage to Herodias who had divorced Herod’s brother. But John the Baptist condemned their sins and Herodias who had him beheaded for it. Maybe the Pharisees were hoping Jesus would say something and he’d get killed also.

Jesus had called them an evil and adulterous generation and here was more proof. They weren’t interested in saving marriages. They weren’t feeling compassion for those who were suffering in bad marriages. They wanted to discredit Jesus.

Jesus pointed them to creation for the foundation of marriage; reminded them that God joins a man and a woman together as one flesh and warned that no one should undo what God joined together.

Jesus knew he was speaking to an evil generation when the Pharisees tried to quote Moses to justify divorce for any cause. Jesus said their stubborn refusal to repent was the reason Moses allowed divorce. As a result those who had remarried had done so on the basis of invalid divorces and were therefore committing adultery.

The Pharisees has already messed up so many lives with their misinterpretation of Moses, that Jesus was hitting them over the head with a 2x4. They were not the recipients of any compassion on that day. They asked Jesus a specific question relating to a specific verse and he gave them a specific answer relating to that verse and no more.

But there is more. In Exodus 21:10, Moses listed three marital duties that if not fulfilled required a master to return a slave wife to her family: food, clothing and marital rights. Instone-Brewer finds a principle here: Withholding any of the three from your spouse was a justifiable reason for divorce.

The whole of scripture and common sense tells us that there has to be a more than minor infractions in denying a spouse of food, clothing and marital rights. The offenses have to rise to the level of physical, emotional, mental or spiritual abuse and neglect or abandonment.

So how do we know if the offenses are sufficient to justify divorce? If you’re married and miserable how do you know what to do?

The first thing to do is to humbly put in to practice everything in chapter 18. Deal with sin in your own life and confront sin in your partner’s life and then forgive and forgive and forgive.

And if the time comes to contemplate divorce here are some ingredients to add to the mix:

1. While in deep distress, seek the LORD your God and sincerely humbled yourself before God (2Chronicles 33:12 NLT). 

2. The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere (James 3:17 ESV).

3. If what you did today to Gideon and his family was sincere and honest, then be happy with Abimelech and let him be happy with you (Judges 9:19 TEV ).

Let us all pray that if and when the tragedy must come, may it be justifiable before God and may we be able to honestly say God knew we were sincere.

Since everyone’s heart is basically deceitful and desperately sick (17:9) as Jeremiah said, very few have perfect motivation for divorce. Again we are probably somewhere on a spectrum between Herodias whose motives were evil and Joseph of whom Matthew said his actions were just (1:19).

Unfortunately the church has not fulfilled its roll in being of assistance to the offended spouse as outlined in Chapter 18. So people often find themselves alone as they contemplate divorce. They will also find themselves between two truths.

 On the one hand is the scripture that teaches that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:6 - “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God). This is a sobering truth that should make anyone give 200% to save a marriage. But on the other hand God understands our human weaknesses. 

Psalms 103

6  The LORD works righteousness

  and justice for all who are oppressed.

7  He made known his ways to Moses,

  his acts to the people of Israel.

8  The LORD is merciful and gracious,

  slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

9  He will not always chide,

  nor will he keep his anger forever.

10  He does not deal with us according to our sins,

  nor repay us according to our iniquities.

11  For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

  so great is his steadfast love toward

 those who fear him;

12  as far as the east is from the west,

  so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

13  As a father shows compassion to his children,

  so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.

14  For he knows our frame;

  he remembers that we are dust.

It takes faith to discern what God is saying. As we weigh the options we need to remember everything God has said and everything God is.

  As for those of us who watch from the outside, we too must practice with humility the necessity to deal with sin. First and foremost we must monitor what’s going on in our own hearts. We need to remember a few things:

1. If we look at a marriage under a microscope looking for the problems, we have to understand that there’s a lot we don’t know. The specific causes of divorces are never the same. We can’t assume we know exactly what goes on behind closed doors.

2. We also can’t assume we know who’s to blame. Do not rush to judgment. We may have never seen our friend’s dark side but you can be sure the spouse has.

· Any story sounds true until someone tells the other side and sets the record straight (Proverbs 18:17 LB).

· The first to speak in court sounds right – until the cross-examination begins (Proverbs 18:17 God’s Word Translation).

  In most divorces, the blame is probably shared though not always equally. There’s always some sin on both sides just as there is always some hard heartedness in all marriages.

In closing I’d like to share these conclusions taken from Instone-Brewer’s web page:[4]

1. The Bible's message for those suffering within marriage is both realistic and loving.

2. Marriage should be life-long, but broken marriage vows can be grounds for divorce.

3. Biblical grounds for divorce include adultery, abuse and abandonment.

4. Jesus urged forgiveness but allowed divorce for repeated unrepentant breaking of marriage vows.

5. Anyone who divorces on biblical grounds or who is divorced against their will can remarry.

And I’d like to two more that I believe summarize Jesus’ message:

Every marriage has the potential to be a great marriage in the God’s kingdom if we practice humility from start to finish and fight sin every day.

Every divorced person need to be sought out, helped with their recovery, forgiven and loved.

That’s what greatness in the Kingdom of God is all about.

Prayer: Lord, help us all to be humble, wise, and discerning; compassionate and forgiving. Amen.

Prayer

 Lord God, you are the Creator of all and everything you created was good. You created Adam and Eve and joined them together as one flesh for the multiplication of the human race. You have blessed marriages ever since with children and joy.

 Today we pray for those who are married or remarried that they might have the grace to put the interests of their partner ahead of their own. That they might share and work together and serve you with peace and humility and honesty.

 We also pray for those who are single. If they wish to marry, guide them to a righteous and pure companion to share their life with. If they remain single, fill their life with meaning and abundant opportunities to serve using their gifts for your kingdom.

 We pray for those who are divorced. Help them to find healing in your word and help them to grow into forgiveness. Protect them from bitterness and fill them with your peace as they seek to begin life afresh.

 We pray for those who have lost their spouses. Comfort them in the persistent times of grief and sorrow. Surround them with signs of your goodness and love and help them to regain peace and joy and hope.

 We pray for those who are in troubled marriages. Give them the grace to seek help, the strength to forgive, the courage to continue and the wisdom to seek reconciliation. We also pray protection for those in abusive relationships. In your mercy rescue them by whatever means necessary.

 Finally, we pray for children and friends who also suffer from broken relationships.  We pray for these and the person next to us in silent prayer.

Youth Message

The only perfect parent is in heaven.

 Our moms and dads are very good people. Right? I know you love them very much. Right? But are they perfect? Is your mom perfect? Is your dad perfect?

 There are no perfect parents. They all make mistakes. They all do some things well and some things not so well. They love you but sometimes they aren’t patient. Sometimes they aren’t as kind as they should be.

 Sometimes parents aren’t patient and kind with each other. Sometimes parents get divorced and that’s very sad. But it’s not your fault. It’s their fault because parents aren’t perfect.

 Fortunately, God is perfect. He always loves us 100%. He’s always patient with us and kind. He understands when bad things happen to us.  He’s always there to help. And when your own parents aren’t perfect, remember your father in heaven is absolutely perfect. He will always be with you no matter what.

Psalm 27:10 - When my father and my mother are turned away from me, then the Lord will be my helper  . For your treat today, we have some Dad’s root beer barrels. It’s not a perfect treat but neither are our parents.